I've been trying to figure out my strengths and weaknesses but I am surprised by my unawareness. I frequently judge and criticize others on the same traits I have. I have a domineering voice that lowkey controls me whether I like it or not. I'm invisible whether I like it or not. I'm a flirt and attractive to certain types of people, and maybe I should use that to my advantage more, be more strategic. I can act well alone but work at maximum everything if working with the right people. ​

I read transcripts of Fred Hampton's speeches recently through marxists.org because it was the anniversary of his death. First off-- fuck the FBI, fuck white supremacist capitalist racist bigoted pieces of shit that saw people of color and poor people coming together, doing things to improve themselves, and killed them. Shot a sleeping young man. Fuck anybody and everybody that had a part in COINTELPRO. 

Fred Hampton taught me that as Science for the People and somebody who actually organizes, we are the vanguard and the leadership. We are part of the people but we are separate too, and that's okay because we understand that what we do we do for all of us. Our aim is to uplift everyone and leave no one behind to suffer in the old world of white supremacy.

Huey P. Newton said the people learn through observation and participation. I have a pretty simple way of putting it that may be a familiar idiom to y'all: monkey see monkey do. It's the basis of interactive, life experience learning. Honestly, I like to jump in blind sometimes but for the most part & for most people, observation as the FIRST step is very important. Another analogy is reading product reviews, something I do all the freaking time. People share their observations which you ingest, digest, then you participate by buying that product. So we (organizers) need to do things so that the people do things.

I read a lot of fantasy as a kid and those series usually have a male protagonist, full of angst and character and introspection and personality, whose life is exceptionally different than others in some way: the chosen one. I felt compelled to become a main character and coincidentally, I happened to be similar to the chosen ones. Nobody else looked like me or had a background like me and people would tell me that I'm special. In my mind I was unique like them. Something to admire, a hero, a gifted child, a genius, something with potential to change-- save-- this fucked up world. It's funny though, because at home I kinda heard the exact opposite. 

I was put into situations where I had to struggle to survive. It's that adversity which made me a fighter and I think being a savior requires a desire to fight, not just the willingness. I think I am a savior or I can be a savior and yes, it comes from ego, but there's a bit of logic in there too. I had to save myself over and over again and still do; I'm at least a savior to myself. And I know that only you can truly save yourself. But you can still save others in different ways and in fact, there are parts of you that can be saved by others because we are built to be interconnected. 

Also, I've been watching so many animal rescue videos and that's probably influenced my thinking. Reading through my blogs you know I hate abuse and that goes for animal abuse too... I start tearing up within a minute of watching those vids (usually from The Dodo). How the hell can humans be so cruel? But those videos are also incredibly hopeful and inspiring because you see humans being as loving as they can be. Dogs that go from growling and snarling or fearful and crying to friendly, happy, loving creatures that bring light to life every day. They're saved from being leashed to a fence for 10 years, used as puppy mills, or dumped on the side of the road. They get treatment for their illnesses and comfy beds, toys, good food... it's so good for the soul to learn about these happy stories. I cry not only about the terrible conditions they started in, but also out of happiness for how much better their lives are. Idk man... there's a lot in this world that needs saving and I think it's good for all of us to try.