savior

I read a lot of fantasy as a kid and those series usually have a male protagonist, full of angst and character and introspection and personality, whose life is exceptionally different than others in some way: the chosen one. I felt compelled to become a main character and coincidentally, I happened to be similar to the chosen ones. Nobody else looked like me or had a background like me and people would tell me that I'm special. In my mind I was unique like them. Something to admire, a hero, a gifted child, a genius, something with potential to change-- save-- this fucked up world. It's funny though, because at home I kinda heard the exact opposite. 

I was put into situations where I had to struggle to survive. It's that adversity which made me a fighter and I think being a savior requires a desire to fight, not just the willingness. I think I am a savior or I can be a savior and yes, it comes from ego, but there's a bit of logic in there too. I had to save myself over and over again and still do; I'm at least a savior to myself. And I know that only you can truly save yourself. But you can still save others in different ways and in fact, there are parts of you that can be saved by others because we are built to be interconnected. 

Also, I've been watching so many animal rescue videos and that's probably influenced my thinking. Reading through my blogs you know I hate abuse and that goes for animal abuse too... I start tearing up within a minute of watching those vids (usually from The Dodo). How the hell can humans be so cruel? But those videos are also incredibly hopeful and inspiring because you see humans being as loving as they can be. Dogs that go from growling and snarling or fearful and crying to friendly, happy, loving creatures that bring light to life every day. They're saved from being leashed to a fence for 10 years, used as puppy mills, or dumped on the side of the road. They get treatment for their illnesses and comfy beds, toys, good food... it's so good for the soul to learn about these happy stories. I cry not only about the terrible conditions they started in, but also out of happiness for how much better their lives are. Idk man... there's a lot in this world that needs saving and I think it's good for all of us to try.